Parent-child relationships are almost never simple, especially as children become adults and start to see their parents from new perspectives. We learn who our parents are as people, their hopes and sadnesses, their dreams and internal lives.
That perspective shift was the inspiration for “Oh My Mother! A Memoir in Nine Adventures” by journalist and author Connie Wang. Wang grew up in Eden Prairie and graduated from Eden Prairie High School in 2006, before heading to California for college and launching a career as a writer and editor for various publications. She’s now a mom to two young kids of her own.
“One of the things I kept coming back to (in my writing) were stories about my mom,” Wang says. A publisher reached out to ask if she’d be interested in expanding on some of her essays about her mom, Qing Li, as a book, and Wang said yes.
“Oh My Mother!” was published by Viking late last year and explores Wang’s relationship with her mom through the lens of their travels and adventures together. Wang says one of the most beautiful parts of their bond is the effort they make to understand one another.
“My dominant language is English. Hers is Chinese,” says Wang. “We’re only able to communicate maybe the bottom 10 or 15 percent of our actual thoughts. We do whatever we can to understand each other better.”
In addition to being a mother-daughter memoir, the book is also, in some ways, an immigrant story – but one that focuses on nuance and joy rather than simply hardship.
“I was recommending a lot of immigrant memoirs to my mom,” says Wang. “I thought she would relate to the stories. But she said, ‘No, that’s depressing. Why are all of these things so heavy and so sad?’”
Li suggested to Wang that maybe the only thing readers wanted to hear about immigrants was that they suffered. “That broke my heart,” Wang remembers. “Because my mom had suffered, I was able to live this life that was largely free of suffering. If she doesn’t think about it that way, it’s certainly unfair of me to think about her life that way.” So Wang focused the memoir on what her parents’ immigration had afforded their family: safety, joy and togetherness.
My dominant language is English. Hers is Chinese. We’re only able to communicate maybe the bottom 10 or 15 percent of our actual thoughts. We do whatever we can to understand each other better.”
Connie Wang, reflecting on the language barrier between her and her mother.
Wang’s parents arrived in the Midwest from China in the mid-1980s for work and decided to stay after the spring 1989 upheaval of the Tiananmen Square violence, when Chinese authorities cracked down on dissent. Wang, who was 2, had been living with her grandparents in China and was quickly sent for. The family settled permanently in Eden Prairie when Wang was in second grade, and she remembers her childhood as a happy and secure one. “It was so supportive and nurturing,” she says. “Almost boring – but that was such a gift. My friends and I would ride our bikes to each other’s houses.”
Now, when she visits her parents back home in Eden Prairie, Wang is struck by how much the community has grown and changed in the years since she moved away. Of her own high school graduating class, she says, “I think it’d be generous to say there were 10 Asian Americans. And among the Chinese American kids, our parents all knew each other. It was like a very small town within the city.”
Wang says she loved growing up in Eden Prairie but was aware she “wasn’t the norm.” Now, she says, the diversity of the community is something to celebrate. “One of the first stops I make now when I get off the airplane is Asia Mall,” she says with a smile. “When I read it was coming, there was part of me that was kind of nervous. What if no one goes? What if it becomes more of a political statement? And now, every time I go, there are lines out the door. It’s amazing.”
Wang’s dad, Dexin Wang, who retired from a long career in technology, now runs Eden Prairie’s Kumon Math and Reading Center.
“A lot of the kids he works with are from immigrant families,” Wang says. “There are still very similar stories of using education and learning as a tool, as a way to achieve a better life.”
She says it’s gratifying to know Eden Prairie is still welcoming families from all over the world with diverse backgrounds and stories.
“It’s not a stagnant place,” she said. “It’s so dynamic. And that’s exciting for me.”
“Oh My Mother! A Memoir in Nine Adventures” is available in bookstores nationwide and online. Visit Connie Wang’s website for more information.
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